Clipper Experiments: A Tail in Two Parts帆船实验：一个尾巴分两部分

Article source: http://www.advicelife.com/ . 文章来源： http://www.advicelife.com/ 。 Used with author's permission. 用作者的许可。

Poor Dog.可怜的狗。 Subjected to my most ambitious experiments, she still falls for the old line, "C'mon, Honey, it'll be FUN!"受到我最雄心勃勃的实验，但她仍然属于旧线， “来吧，亲爱的，它会很有意思！ ” Grooming the Dog and Fun do not belong in the same sentence together.疏导狗和趣味不属于同一句在一起。 This is a fact.这是一个事实。

I bought some handy Oster clippers at the pet store a while back.我买了一些方便的奥斯特在快船的宠物商店，而回来。 Even while I stood waiting my turn at the cash register, I could hear Honey's tiny little scream in the back of my head .即使我站在等待轮到我在收银机，我可以听到蜂蜜的微小的尖叫声在我头。 . 。 . 。 "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" “ Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ！ ” But I did not listen.但是我没有听。 I forged ahead.余向前发展。 Do you have any idea what it costs to get a dog like that groomed?你有什么想法什么费用得到一只狗一样，培养？ She's half Chow, half Golden Retriever, with the chow's thick fur.她半周，半黄金猎犬，与议员的厚毛皮。

I am not a fan of instructions.我不是一个球迷的指示。 I will read instructions if absolutely necessary, if forced to, but in most cases I will just learn on-the-job.我将宣读的指示，如果绝对必要的，如果被迫，但在大多数情况下，我将学习的在职。 This can be hazardous for certain tasks.这可能是危险的某些任务。 Like electrical wiring, perhaps, which is why I don't do any of that.电线一样，也许，这就是为什么我没有做任何的。 So I read enough of the instructions to get a comb thingie attached to the clippers, oiling them first.所以，我读足够的指示，让梳子thingie重视快船队，他们第一次注油。

Honey is not a big fan of buzzing objects.蜂蜜不是一个喜欢热闹的对象。 I don't know why this is.我不知道这是为什么。 Perhaps she was scared by a loud buzzing object when she was a puppy.也许她是害怕大声喧闹对象时，她是一个小狗。 Maybe it's just annoying.也许这只是烦人。 Maybe the sight of me holding a buzzing object strikes terror into her little canine heart.也许我的视线举行罢工嗡嗡对象恐怖到她的小犬心脏。 I don't know.我不知道。 But she will cooperate somewhat, as long as I concentrate on the areas she wants me to concentrate on, and avoid the areas she wants me to avoid.但她有点将合作，只要我集中的地区，她要我集中精力，避免领域，她希望我要避免的。 I, however, do not believe in humoring her in this way.但我不相信humoring她以这种方式。 What?什么？ You don't want me to clip around your butt?你不想让我夹在你屁股？ Okay, that's where I want to then.好吧，这就是我想要去的地方然后。 You don't want to lose all that fur around your neck?你不想失去所有的毛皮围绕你的脖子？ Okay, off with it!好吧，关闭它！

Every so often, or more frequently, she'll get up and wander off in a vain attempt to avoid the clippers.每个经常，或更经常地，她会站起来和漂移了，妄图以避免快船队。 Since we're on a small deck and she can't escape back into the house, I just move closer to her.由于我们在一个小甲板上，她无法逃脱回到家里，我只是更接近了她。 It's very aggravating to her, I'm sure, but we're really not there for her amusement, but for mine, so I don't care.这是非常严重她说，我敢肯定，但我们真的没有她的娱乐，但地雷，所以我不在乎。 She'll sit, or lay, and as I gently run the clippers through her fur, with tufts of it falling here and there, I can see her sighing to herself.她会坐，或奠定基础，正如我轻轻地运行剪通过她的皮毛，与丛落入这里和那里，我可以看到她叹了口气自言自语。 It is a trial.这是一个审判。 But I am having fun!但是，我快乐！ There is fur falling off in piles!有毛皮脱落的桩！

I do not read the instructions, nor do I have any training in this sort of activity.我不读的指示，我也不有任何方面的培训这样的活动。 That is obvious from what is occurring with the poor dog.这是显而易见的，什么是发生与穷人狗。 A portion of a back leg is clipped, so the fur there is white.部分后备腿被截断，所以有皮毛是白色的。 A centimeter away, the fur is not clipped, so it long and golden.厘米以外，皮毛不擦，所以长期和金色。 Her ruff is the same.她吃是相同的。 It is not my fault.这是不是我的错。 She was sitting quietly for a couple of minutes so I experimented with the ruff.她静静地坐在一两分钟，所以我尝试了吃。 I have discovered that when my dog's excessive ruff is reduced, she looks fatter.我发现，当我的狗吃过度减少，她长得胖。 Let this be a lesson to us all: want to look thinner?让这是一个教训，我们所有的：希望看到更薄？ Get more hair around an already fat neck.获得更多的头发已经周围脂肪的脖子。

I have been told that when I have worked on my dog it is embarrassing for her as the other dogs will point and laugh, but I don't think this is true.有人告诉我，当我的工作我的狗是她尴尬的其他狗会笑点，但我不认为这是真实的。 I don't think dogs CARE what they look like, and I don't think other dogs are that interested in what other dogs look like as much as they're interested in what they smell like.我不认为狗援外他们看起来像，我不认为狗是其他有兴趣在其他什么狗看起来尽可能感兴趣的，他们什么气味等等。 And my dog smells good.和我的狗的气味好。 Well, she smells like a dog, but she's fine with that.那么，她的味道像狗，但她的这一罚款。

After being "groomed" rather haphazardly for awhile, Honey develops a new trick.在被“培养” ，而不是胡乱一段时间，蜂蜜开发一个新的伎俩。 She stands and she gets right up next to me.她站着，她的权利得到了我旁边。 Since I'm sitting on my crossed legs, she's as big as I am, and she stands as close to me as she can get.由于我坐在我的双腿交叉，她大我，她站在接近我，她可以。 A solid immoveable object jammed up against me. A固体不动产物件卡住了对我。 Awwww, my dog loves me! Awwww ，我的狗喜欢我！ Well, yes, of course she does, but that is not the point of this particular exercise.嗯，当然，她不会，但事实并非点的这一特殊的工作。 The point of this particular exercise is to make sure I can't use the clippers on her anymore.这一点这一特定工作，以确保我不能使用剪她了。 How can I when she's jammed up next to me?如何才能当她的卡住了我旁边？ I try pushing her away, but she won't move.我试图把她带走，但她不会移动。 She acts as if she doesn't know what's going on.她的行为，仿佛她不知道发生了什么事情。 As if she's there just to be close to me, as if she doesn't know what I'm trying to do .仿佛她的存在只是为了接近我，如果她不知道我尝试这样做。 . 。 . 。

The dog is stubborn.狗是顽固。 I think she gets it from me.我想她得到它从箱。

When we finish, it's not because we're finished, not by any stretch of the imagination.当我们完成，这不是因为我们已经完成，而不是由无论如何想象。 The dog is a patchwork quilt of uneven fur, choppy in some places, long and silky in others.狗是一个东拼西凑的被子不平衡毛皮，震荡在一些地方，长期和丝般的其他人。 And it's not because, despite the title, I have managed to clip her tale in two.这并不是因为，尽管标题，我已成功地夹在她的两个故事。 It is because the job, to do properly, would take eight hours straight and I don't have the energy, the stamina, or the will to do so.这是因为工作，这样做正确，将采取8个小时连续和我没有能量，耐力，或将这样做。 Frankly, we're not that interested in perfection.坦率地讲，我们的兴趣并不完美。 That's boring.这是无聊。 We're after a unique look, and I think we've achieved that.我们经过独特的外观，我想我们已经做到了。 There is no other dog that looks like this, not once I've finished with her.没有任何其他狗看起来像这样，一旦我没有完成她的。

She stands alone, a testament to amateurism and on-the-job training.她主张，仅证明了业余和在职培训。 It's the American way.这是美国方式。

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